You are one year old today. This has been the fastest year of my entire life.
I want to capture as many moments with you both as I can. I want to remember them all not only because you two complete our family, but because this is the only time you will have them. I want you to know how cherished you are, even when you are crying at 4AM and we are exhausted.
Ella:
I want to remember how when you were born, and they lifted you out of me and held you over the drape for me to see you, your eyes were wide open and we made eye contact immediately. I think we have been bonded ever since.
I want to remember how your right ear was all scrunched up when you were born…you must have been really squished up against Aidan in my belly!
I want to remember your pouty bottom lip just as you are beginning to cry.
I want to remember your little smirk – just when we thought you were asleep, you would give us a little sideways smirk!
I want to remember the way you watch me when other people hold you as if to warn me not to wander.
I want to remember the way you sleep cuddled up with your bunny.
I want to remember how you spent the first 6-8 weeks of your nighttime sleep on my chest. That is the only place you were happy and would sleep. That worked out for me as well because I couldn’t lie down flat anyway and was sleeping (HA!) propped up in an upright position. You used to fall asleep and I would read my book about how to get babies to sleep!
I want to remember your hair. Poor thing, you have your Father’s hairline. But the color of your hair – you look like a little Irish baby. It is a beautiful shade of strawberry blonde with increasing hints of pale blonde. I wonder every day what color it will be. And if your new curls at the nape of your neck will stay.
I want to remember so much about your eyes. Their intensity is incredible. And their blue-ness is stunning.
I want to remember how you were the first to get a tooth..and the first to sleep through the night. You are such a sound sleeper!
I want to remember your dainty little hands and feet. And how, when you were really little, you always had to have one hand outstretched.
I want to remember that cute noise you started making at about 6 months – kind of a “gurgle gurgle” sound you make in the back of your throat that we cannot figure out how to imitate.
I want to remember your high pitched, hearing damage rendering scream. How it started out as a newborn as a real scream, but as you got older, turned into a scream of joy. That scream is certainly a trademark of yours!
I want to remember how you learned so quickly how to play “keep away” from Aidan. And how you clench your little hands into fists with anger when something doesn’t go your way. You definitely have a temper!
Aidan:
I want to remember how when you were born, before they could show you to me you peed all over everyone. I saw your stream before I saw you!
I want to remember the way used to make these cute little noises when you fell asleep in my arms…like little happy content grunts.
I want to remember your Father walking with you in the backyard or in the cul-de-sac at 3 AM because you wouldn’t sleep.
I want to remember your big grins. And how you would laugh in your sleep
I want to remember the way you find such solace in sucking your thumb.
I want to remember your hair. You have sandy blonde hair, with hints of pale blonde like Ella. You are also developing such cute little curls at the nape of your neck.
I want to remember so much about your eyes. They are a deep, deep brown, and so big.
I want to remember your cheeks – so pudgy and cute. Strangers even comment on them!!
I want to remember your pudgy little hands and feet.
I want to remember how you were the first to roll over and the first to crawl.
I want to remember how you fell asleep under the play mat one time and napped there for nearly 2 hours on the floor!
I want to remember how you learned to turn on the music to your crib aquarium..and how it startled your Father and I the first time we heard that music turn on without one of us doing it!
I want to remember how you are all boy – and have been since day one. You have such a deep, deep voice for such a little guy!
I want to remember the first time you clapped – and how you were so darn proud of yourself!
I want to remember how you were such a laid back little baby. Never the one to fuss, you spent a lot of time staring at Ella as if to say “What in the world is all the fuss about?”
Both of You:
I want to remember how you loved your play mat. You stared at the animals floating above your head and seemed to command them with your voices.
I want to remember how you really didn’t think tummy time was worth the effort. You preferred to just find your hands and feet and suck on them.
I want to remember the sound of two swings going at the same time, both with happy sleeping babies!
I want to remember, though so annoying, that startle reflex that woke you from the deepest sleep.
I want to remember those tiny sneezes.
I want to remember the warmth of your body next to mine and the sweetness of your breathing when you are sleeping peacefully.
I want to remember the feeling I had when I was sitting in the wheelchair ready to be discharged from the hospital. I had both of you cradled in my arms and your Father was bringing the car around to pick us up. I was wheeled down to this “holding area”, and then everyone disappeared and I was all alone. For the first time since I entered those very same doors just three days earlier with both of you snuggled in my belly – I was alone. But I wasn’t alone. I had my two precious miracles. And in that very moment it hit me. In fact, that was the first time that it did hit me. I was a Mother.
I want to remember what it feels like to look in the rear view mirror. Most people look in the rear view mirror to see what is behind them or what they have passed. I look in the rear view mirror and see two precious babies. I see the future.
I want to remember all of you. How much we wanted you both. How thankful we are that somehow you made it here to us.
I want to remember how full my heart is, and yet how it continues to fill with each breath you take
I want to live in each of these moments. But I can't wait to see what tomorrow, what next week, and what next year will bring.
We are so, so fortunate to have you. No one could have told us what we were about to discover with your arrival. That we would know more love, more joy, more happiness.
And that we would learn it from two little people who grew inside my belly.
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