Thursday, March 25, 2010

Silence is Deafening

Towards the end of a pregnancy, most expectant mothers will wake up to go to the bathroom every few hours. I think this is the body’s way of preparing you for a newborn and the impending sleepless nights!

I used to yearn for quiet and time to be able to accomplish the simplest of tasks around the house without a munchkin attached to my hip.

Enter preschool. Aaahhh…two days a week – six whole hours of “me” time. Time when I can get the house cleaned, laundry folded, errands run in half the time.

Since Ella and Aidan's first day of preschool last August, today is the very first time that I actually just dropped them off and came home. Until today, I filled the time with errands upon errands, occasionally babysitting friends’ children, random doctor appointments, lunch with friends, etc.

Today, the house is quiet. I was able to go through the motions of laundry, dishes, cooking and picking up without interruptions.

The funny thing is, I don’t have a clue how to operate in silence anymore. Quite frankly, it's lonely.

The silence is deafening.

I MISS the interruptions. I WANT Ella and Aidan to be under my feet asking for cookies. I WANT to hear them playing with their toys. I WANT to take 45 minutes to unload the dishwasher because they keep trying to help. For every time I uttered the words “I just can’t get anything done with these kids under my feet all day” I am eternally regretful.

The days that I looked forward to naptime so I could get a grocery list made, or finally fold all the piles of laundry…I regret those days too. If I could do it all again, I’d enjoy EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT with them. I would never wish for them to sit still or take a nap or go to bed early.

There are so many couples in the world walking in the very same shoes that we filled many years ago. Wishing, hoping, dreaming for a child of their own. Did I really forget that pain - that yearning - this quickly into Ella & Aidan's little lives?

From now on, I will treasure every second with them and never again take for granted the precious gifts that we have been given in our little miracle babies.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

It is amazing how you go almost insane while they are under feet when you are trying to get something done but miss them horribly when they are away. :)Dana

Juliane M. Kilcoyne said...

Every mom enjoys some quiet time, don't feel guilty about that! You are a great mom - the kids are very lucky. Personally, I get my quiet time at 4am and LOVE IT!! :)