Random Ponderings

Back before Ella and Aidan were a twinkle in my eye I had visions of what being a Mom was all about -

I knew there would be sleep deprivation, but I never knew I would be so tired I could barely function.

I knew there would be crying and fussing, but my goodness, the crying, fussing and whining is enough to make you poke your ear drums out.

I knew there would be worry and fear over their health and well being. What I didn’t know was that it is a constant fear and worry over their well being. Everything revolves around making them happy, keeping them safe, and A LOT of entertaining.

I never knew how much the babies would change me….not my life, but me, Jennifer. I am not the world’s most patient person, but when it comes to the babies I have more patience than I have ever known myself to have! I do get tired, and frustrated, and stressed…but I don’t often lose my patience with them. I figure Ella and Aidan will most likely be our only children and I am happy to keep them babies for as long as possible.

I am acutely aware that how I raise my children will affect who they become. And with twins, the question of "who was first?" is imminently hard to avoid. Overall I'm not concerned with who is doing what first. But with twins, it is so blatantly obvious when one accomplishes something. I watch daily as they each grow more curious about their surroundings and attempt to learn to negotiate their environment with trials and successes. Each is excelling at their own pace but learning similar things and each has their strengths and skills in certain areas, although this changes day to day: a testament to how each will eventually accomplish all skills needed in development in their own time.

At this point in time, Aidan is negotiating the movement realm by walking everywhere and Ella has the most precise fine motor skills like picking up little pieces of lint from the carpet and handing them to me.

As a parent, I am making a concerted effort to avoid giving one more attention or more praise than the other or comparing by stating "she did this first.." But to instead phrase it as "she is doing 'x' and he is doing 'y". I now find each one looking at me quizzically (it's possible its all in my imagination at this early an age, but maybe not) when I pick the other one up for something and invariably give lots of hugs, kisses and praise. So I then find myself picking the other one up to bestow upon her / him hugs, kisses and praise as well. I hope to foster a sense that each is equally important and, of course, just use it as more of an excuse to give twice the hugs and kisses. I want to be sure that each knows I love them equally through my actions and words.

Today as the three of us were playing, I reached down and picked them both up, one in each arm. It was another one of those daily moments when I am reminded how truly blessed I am. Nothing is more wonderful than having two drooly little babies giving you kisses.

I have waited my whole life for these moments. As they grow up at the same time, I hope they will not focus on comparing themselves to each other but, instead, discover their own strengths. Some the same, some different - but each no better than the other.

I want them to learn to discover their own path in life and to gain confidence in making their own choices and in their ability to conquer life's challenges on their own time and in their own way.

I hope they realize that they will get there via only their own hard work and sometimes a little luck, not just because the other one has.

I hope most of all, that when one reaches his/her goal, they will celebrate their special bond by always sharing in each others successes, whether one or the other is first.

In the end, it's not about who is first but that they both accomplish what they want in life and it melts my heart to know that they will always have someone to share it with when they get there.