Thoughts on Blogging

When I look at my life and I try to think about what makes me happy, some of the answers are obvious. My kids. My husband. A clean house. A warm shower. But when I start shifting through the little details, it becomes more difficult to pinpoint exactly what those little things are that make me happy. What do I do for myself?

I ask that question and draw an utter and complete blank. Aside from this blog, (which certainly fulfills my creative outlet, yet is really more about Ella and Aidan) I literally do nothing at all for myself.

When I think about whether to keep blogging or not, it is not only a decision that is based on the uncertainty of my niche and what direction to focus the blog, but also in the amount of time I have to invest in it these days. I have so much that I want to do and accomplish and so little time in which to do it all.

And come July when new baby Parker arrives, time will only be more scarce.

With the blog, I do want to write. But I want to write five days a week. And I want each post to be focused, concise, and proofread. (ha!). I want to redesign my site. I want to record my kids’ important memories and write for myself -- both as an outlet and as a way to connect with others. Pretty much, like other aspects of my life, I want to do it all and I want to do it all perfectly.

And when I write here, sometimes it feels like more of a "have to" instead of a "want to".

I know that eventually I will have more time (I will, right??) but that doesn't stop the perfectionist in me from just not wanting to do any of it at all if I can't do it all perfectly.

I'm going to keep the blog. I'm going to write when I can. I may miss weeks. I may miss days. I may write a lot of posts in draft that are never published. I may not write at all for awhile. One day, I do want to write five days a week again.

But for now, I'll write when I can and worry less about being perfect. There may be spelling and grammatical errors and fewer posts. But at least it will still be here.