R.E.A.C.H.

Reproductive Endocrinology Associates of Charlotte

If it weren’t for you, Ella and Aidan would not be here today. How in the world do you thank someone for giving you a gift like that? I haven’t a clue how to put it into words, but I am going to give it a try.

Dr Teaff
You greeted us with open arms from the beginning, and I so appreciated your honest and direct approach. I am not a sugar-coated kind of person, and you gave us the facts right from the start. When we had our miscarriage, I truly felt that a little bit of your heart was breaking right there with us. Then came round 2 – and the first ultrasound that showed quads. I saw your hesitation, and know that high order multiples isn’t what fertility clinics aim to produce. But I thank you for presenting our options - I am just grateful that we didn’t have to use them. Thank you, for guiding us through the hardest time in our lives.

Tonya
I owe you a huge thank you for being a friend. Yes, first and foremost you did your job as the nurse (I think that’s your title??), but for some reason you and I connected from day one. You helped me pass the time after each insemination when I had to remain on the table for 30 minutes and be still….you just kept popping back in to check on me and chat for a few quick seconds. You made me feel cared for, and that I wasn't just another infertility patient…I was a person. I am so thrilled that you sent me pictures of Jayden and Chloe! They are precious, precious girls!!

Marcy, Shane, Alice
You guys took over when I was “transferred” from IUI’s to IVF….and you took such good care of me. Always explaining each step of the process. IVF is so overwhelming the first time with all of the different injections, pills, procedures, etc. You always took the time to sit with me (or over the phone) and answer all of my questions, and I thank you for that – I know how busy you guys are with all of us infertiles out there!

The Unsung Heros
To all of those whom I never actually met or learned your names – the embryologists, the lab staff, the clerical staff, etc….. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being an integral piece of the “pie” that brought our whole process full circle.

I sit here today with two little miracles, our “so-so quality” embryos that managed to make it though. You gave us the gift of two new lives – and for that, you will always have a special place in our hearts.

Thing 1 & Thing 2

I have slowly been downloading all of the videos from our camera....This video brings back memories...they were so little and made such cute little noises.....

Mike's Family

Mr & Mrs Parker
I know that you both remember first hand the sleepless nights and early mornings! A deep-felt thank you to you both for staying with me overnight when Mike was at the fire station for those first 3months…and for coming over at 6:30 AM so that I could leave for work. Those were some rough, rough times for all of us being up all night long with two babies and then working a full day.

You got us through the “4th trimester”, and I know you were a bit sad when I said that I needed to do it on my own. Honestly, it was VERY difficult on my own those first few times. Jennifer (Mike’s sister, for those who don’t know) told me at one point that someone at church had made a comment about how I should have “figured it out” by now and how she couldn’t believe that I was still “needing” help. Well, anyone who knows me at all knows that I do not take lightly to being told that I cannot do something on my own. So, that very day was when I called off the support troops….I know you were disappointed, and I missed the help, but it was time I did it alone.

I think you guys may have been a bit concerned as to how I would fare, and I cannot tell you what it meant to get the occasional phone call just to check on me and see if I had eaten that day or if I needed any assistance.

You have been there for us in countless ways, and your support does not go unappreciated one bit.

Jennifer
You have been a great help as well. I still laugh at the time you came to spend the night to help, and how you fell asleep sitting up in the bed while feeding Aidan! It was probably 3:30 or so in the morning….good thing I never really slept at all and managed to jolt you awake before someone fell off the bed!

We really love all of the Gymboree gifts, and I truly believe that many of them have helped Ella and Aidan developmentally. On the developmental note, I owe you a big thank you for always calming me down with my worries about their physical development. You have told me so many times that they will do it all on their own time…and you are right. They may be slower to crawl and walk than others….but they are definitely WAY above the curve intellectually. In the end, I guess that is what really matters….as you (and their pediatrician) have said, no one has ever carried their child into preschool!

I love your enthusiasm for the babies…sometimes I feel like you are almost as proud to be their Aunt as I am to be their Mother!

Mema, Aunt Pam & Uncle Hunter
I know that the babies do not get to see you often, but we tell them all about you all of the time! I have a picture book that I use to show them pictures of family members so they can learn faces and names. You may be surprised one day when you see them – they just might address you by name!!

We hope to see you all soon!!

Better Full Than Empty

While the babies and I were at the grocery store shopping yesterday, I noticed a woman watching us. The woman finally came up and said, "I have been watching you as you shopped around the store with both of those babies. How do you do it?" but then the kicker, she asked me, "Do you really like being the mom of twins, I just have one baby and I can't imagine how hard it is with two - I feel so sorry for you."

Of course, those of you who know me, know that I didn't take that “pity” comment lying down, I quickly corrected her in the error of her ways and ensured her that I loved being the Mother of twins, not to EVER feel sorry for me and how I felt blessed that I was chosen for such an honor.

Without even blinking an eye, I can think of so many reasons that I love being a twin Mother. While it definitely has its challenges, it is by far the most rewarding experience of my life. Someone once told me that they planned to have their children back to back, and then it will be just like having twins. Hmm.....I have to disagree...nothing but having twins is "like" having twins.....except maybe triplets....or quads, or more!

1. Armfuls and Handfuls

Every child fills their parents' hearts and home with joy. That's what I really love about having twins. The love and joy are compounded. Cradling two infants in your arms was so incredibly, almost unbearably, sweet. Carrying two infant carriers -- one on the right, and one on the left – made me feel complete. Double hugs, double kisses, mommy-in-the-middle "sandwich" cuddles on the couch... life just doesn't get any better than that.

2. Single-mindedness

Parenting happens in stages. For me, it's much easier to manage two infants or two toddlers, than to juggle the needs of a baby and a preschooler. The phases of parenthood are experienced more intensely, sometimes, because they are simultaneous, but I love it that way.

3. Shared Accomplishments

It's always exciting to see your child meet a milestone. But when twins accomplish their goals simultaneously, it's a wonderful experience for a family.

4. Private Jokes

It's such fun to hear them babble to each other and play together. Once when they were about 10 months old, we were driving down the road, when giggles erupted from the car seats in the back seat. As Aidan laughed, Ella broke out in giggles; they spurred each other on the entire ride home. What a sweet sound those baby giggles were; it is still sweet to hear them laugh together.

5. Alike, but Different

It's fascinating to be an observer of twins. With so many similarities, but such stark differences, it's always interesting to see how they develop as individuals. Where parents of singletons may say, "oh, you are just like your sister was at that age," parents of multiples have an instant basis of comparison and contrast among their children.

6. 2-for-1 Bonus

Short and sweet .... One pregnancy = two babies! Such a deal! Although a pregnancy with multiples may have more risks, and sometimes more complications, it truly is a two-for-one deal.

7. A Sense of Status

Okay, I admit it .I get a little thrill of pride in being a mom of twins. It's like being a part of an elite club. You feel an instant bond with other parents of multiples. I love the reaction I get when I tell people I have twins. "Wow!" "I always wanted twins..." "I don't know how you do it..." It's almost like we enjoy an exclusive status in the parenting world, earning a slight nod of respect for pulling double duty.

8. Sharing

Twins share everything -- their birthday, their parents' attention, and most of their belongings. Although they may get frustrated with their situation, as a parent, it's very gratifying to witness their "what's mine is yours" attitude in a moment of unselfish benevolence.

9. A Beautiful Bond

The twin bond is more enduring than any other relationship on earth, starting even before birth, and often outlasting many friendships and even marriages. Despite their squabbles, it's comforting to know that they will (hopefully) enjoy their unique relationship for all of their lives. As their Mother, I feel really privileged to be a party to their special bond, and to have the opportunity to nurture it.

10. Confidence in Companionship

I love the confidence they exhibit simply because they have always had each other to rely on. I love to watch them enter new, unfamiliar situations with total confidence because they are together. I love seeing all the ways that being a twin shapes their personalities, both as an advantage and a disadvantage. They have never and will never know loneliness because they've always had and will have each other as a companion.

So, lady in the grocery store, don't feel sorry for me or any other twin Mother. Yes, we have our hands full, but better full than empty. We are doubly busy, but doubly blessed and so, so happy!

First and Lasts

I proudly present, the LAST can of formula!!



It seems like just days ago that we were buried amidst feedings, burpings, tummy time, naps in swings and more feedings. I thought I would share a few images of our life as it was in the beginning, and how it is today...and that will be changing very soon. We are weaning them from formula (thank God!), and have found ourselves in the throes of buying less jarred baby food as well. Both of them really prefer to feed themselves rather than be fed by spoon.

Feedings:
Feedings were 8 times a day (every 3 hours around the clock). Pictured here is only half of what took up our kitchen counter for a 24 hour period's worth of bottles. In total, there were16 bottles (8 per baby), and about a can of formula ($26 each) every other day.


To make things more confusing, for a while we had the babies on two different types of formula with two different amounts. So, I came up with a color coding system that is still in existence around here today - Ella is the green bottle ring and Aidan is the yellow.

Today, they are down to 1 bottle - just the bedtime bottle. But, as of last night, this bottle is now whole milk as opposed to the powdered gold known as Enfamil.

Pacifiers:
Soothies were our source of sanity in the beginning. The nurses at the hospital sent us home with about 30 of these....no idea where most of them went...I can only find 4.

We now limit the use of pacifiers to bedtime (Aidan prefers his thumb), and in the event of a public meltdown, which is rare these days. Other than that, neither baby uses a pacifier.



A well stocked cabinet:

The top shelves used to be filled with cans of formula. What is there now is the very last can. All the jars of baby food are slowly being weaned out and replaced with more toddler-friendly finger foods. Most of the packaging is now for "graduates".

What used to seem so darn overwhelming now seems so simple!!

As we get ready to embark upon turning one year old, looking back at all of their itty bitty baby things is so bittersweet. It was such a hard time with two of them. Think of all of the things that a new Mother does for her newborn - then double that for twins. Twice the feedings, twice the diapers, twice the crying.

But - twice the joy, twice the smiles, twice the love!

My Family

Dear Mom & Dad (Opa and Grandma Suzy)
I could not ask for better parents, or Grandparents for that matter. You both have such a passion for Ella and Aidan, and are so involved in their lives, despite the 4 hour distance.

I love the fact that you will spontaneously decide to drive up for a visit, even when it is for less than 24 hours. I love that you remember each of their pediatrician visits and always call to find out how things went, how much they weigh, etc. I love that Ella and Aidan remember you at each visit, and how they get so excited to see you guys. I love that you get down on their level and play on the floor with them. I love that you are both exhausted and in need of a vacation after a weekend with the babies – that just shows how much you played!!!

I know that I didn’t show it too well in those early days of sleep deprivation, but I love that you were here for their birth, and that (aside from Mike and I) you were the first ones to hold each of them.

Mom - I have many memories of you up literally all night long with Ella. I remember how she would fall asleep in your arms, and then the minute you tried to lay her down, those two little eyes would just pop open!! I remember walking the house with Aidan for hour upon hour while he cried (this was before we switched his formula) – and Mike even walked him out in the street and backyard at 4 AM!!

Those early days were so hard…beyond words hard. And you guys were here for every bit of it – encouraging Mike and I in so many ways. You just kept saying “It will get better”….and you were right!

Dad - I love your unannounced visits….getting a phone call on my cell phone asking where I am because you are sitting in our driveway. It brings me to tears typing this because those visits are so special.

I love you both for your support of us, and for your constant concern about my well-being and emotional state. To be honest, I tend to be the one who is forgotten about most of the time. Everyone always asks about the babies, and comments about how hard Mike works and how tired he must be….but they usually forget that I might be just a bit tired or drained as well. I know, I am the Mother, it just goes with the territory, but I need a break sometimes too – and you never fail to acknowledge that parenting, especially twins, is a daunting task in and of itself.

Thank you – first for being such wonderful parents to me, and second for being even better Grandparents to Ella and Aidan.

Uncle Christopher and Aunt Emily
I cannot express enough how much it means to me that you are coming to Ella and Aidan’s birthday party in a few weeks. You guys have so much going on with your upcoming wedding, and to take time out for us is incredibly meaningful. Isn’t it odd to think that just over a year ago you guys were here for Easter and we all walked around Freedom Park and I was as big as a house – and now they are nearly a year old?

You are truly a wonderful Aunt and Uncle and the babies simply adore you….and we cannot wait to see you…and to come up for your wedding day. Gosh, my little brother is going to be a married man….

Great Aunt Mimi / Great Aunt and Uncle Kiki and Gary
Oh how I adore how you have all “adopted” Ella and Aidan as if they were your own. You send such wonderful gifts for them, often on just a random occasion. It is so neat to come home and find a box on the front porch – especially when it is addressed specifically to Ella and Aidan.

Your gifts have been some of the most thoughtful we have received – it is clear that you have put a lot of time and effort into selecting just the right thing for each of them.

But, this isn’t just about gifts….its about your love for them, and how even from a distance, you are a part of their daily lives. They both love you just as much as I do. You have all been such an influence in my life over the years, and it warms my heart to see that continue on with Ella and Aidan.

I finally figured out how to download videos off of our camera....you guys get to be the very first video on our blog!

Aidan Crawling!!!

I cannot seem to decifer how to download videos off of our video camera, so I created a slideshow out of still photos instead!!

Pay no attention to the kitchen floor...we took out a wall, and now have to repair the floor. Instead, focus on the smile on Aidan's face - you can see how he is so darn proud of himself!!

PS - Yes, that is a rare, and I mean very rare, glimpse of Abby. I think she is dumbfounded that this little creature actually moves!!

Simply Cannot Help Myself

I know I said this month would be nothing but gratitude posts, but we have had a major milestone here at the house and I just had to share some pictures. Plus, I don't really think that I could have let this last month go by without a few pictures.

To sum it up, Aidan is now officially crawling. No breakdancing or backwards motion - full on up on all 4's crawling. Needless to say, the "baby jail" is now up and ready for containment. Poor Ella - she really does not understand, since she is not yet "on the move".

On another note, they are both once again teething at the same time....both of them are getting in their other two bottom teeth. Oh, the whining....

Here are a few recent pics......

Michael

Dear Mike,

Just like everything else these days, I am having a difficult time putting my thoughts into words - especially about all that we have been through together as a couple these last 3 years.

Just think, if we had gotten pregnant when we initially started this process we would have a 3 year old by now!! I will never forget our walk on the beach in Ocean Isle in October of 2004. We were there for our first anniversary - you had been talking about starting a family since the day we were married, and I kept insisting on waiting at least one year. Well, that was the weekend that we threw caution to the wind and started trying!

I remember how we talked non-stop and late into the night about how we would tell our families and what creative ways we could come up with to surprise them. I also remember my secret plans for how I would tell you that we were pregnant - I had it all planned out to the last detail.

As it turns out, that never happened.

I was robbed of the ability to surprise you in any way.

In all, we were both robbed of any sort of magic to this process. For us, it was all laboratories, blood draws (I have the scars on my arms to prove it), "inspiration rooms", surgeries and injections.

And heartache.

But we stuck it out, and refused to quit. Well, you wanted to quit and I was really the one to refuse that notion. I was determined that if no doctor could give us a medical reason for it not to work, then it would eventually work.

After months / years of Clomid (useless), inseminations (also useless), and one round of invitro (IVF) that ended in the miscarriage of twins, we won the battle.

We have Ella and Aidan - we crossed that finish line with the pride of anyone who has truly struggled for anything in life. Unlike so many others, we were not just handed a successful pregnancy - we had to work for it. And I think that we are better for having struggled. There are many out there who would have been destroyed by the process itself, not to mention the emotional scars.

Through it all - the ups, the downs and the in-betweens, we have stood strong together, as a team. You are my partner, my best friend, and my husband.

And today we are just weeks away from celebrating one year of life - one full year since our miracles arrived. Sometimes when Ella and Aidan are in bed, we find ourselves looking around the living room at all of their baby things, and wondering about their siblings. Were they girls or boys? How would we have made it work with 4 babies?

(For those that don't know, we started off with quads. Yes, we had Ella and Aidan and also a set of identicals whose hearts stopped beating at about 8-10 weeks. When you go through IVF you have more ultrasounds than you can count, and we saw all 4 little flickers on the screen at one visit, and only 2 the next time).

It would have been oh-so incredibly difficult, but I love you for not wanting to reduce and for allowing us the opportunity to let them live, even if for ever so brief. It is beyond imperative to me not to ignore the fact that they did exist - they were our babies too.

In closing, you are more of a father than I could have ever imagined or hoped for - I cherish just watching you with the babies, and how much they adore you. Do you have any idea what it is like to give 100% of yourself to these babies all day long, only to have them say "Dada" over and over??

We made it! You and I - together as a team.

And now we have our own little team - Team Ella and Aidan.

Ella and Aidan

Dear Ella and Aidan,

Where do I begin? I dont think that your father or I ever could have anticipated the ways in which our lives would change with your arrival. We longed and yearned for you for so long, and it was worth every minute of every day.

I have something special that I have written for each of you to post on your birthday, and I dont want to share it this early. So, I will just do a status update of some things I want to remember about you both at this stage.

Ella:
You are a sleeping champ. You go to bed without a fuss (but only if I put you to bed), and typically sleep at least 11 hours (sometimes 12). You are VERY particular about your crib arrangement. You must have your bear to the right and your bunny to the left. You love this bunny and typically cuddle it all night long. You now sleep on your belly and we often find you with your little butt up in the air, just like I used to sleep when I was a baby! What a complete change from just a few months ago!

You are also an eating champ. You will literally try anything that we put in front of you without hesitation. You have recently learned how to remove your bib, despite my repeatedly telling you “No” and stopping you wherever I catch you in the process. Unfortunately, you think it is hilarious and I find myself saying a harsh “No”, but cracking up because you laugh so hard. You are a slower eater than Aidan, and usually end up a bit messier at the end of the meal.

You have no desire to crawl, and are totally content to sit surrounded by toys. You have learned to wave "Bye Bye" and clap, and do both all of the time. You also can put your hands to your head when asked "Where's your head?", and look for the dogs when asked "Where's the dog?".

You are so very dainty...and all girl. You have tiny little fingers and feet compared to Aidan's chubby little boy ones. Everything about you is dainty and sweet. You started out as such a colicky and cranky little baby, and have become almost a little woman. You are a mini-me to a "T". I often find myself feeling as though I am watching myself as a baby - your features look so much like mine, and your demeanor is so much like what I have heard that I was like as a baby...I can only imagine what your Opa and Grandma Suzy think!!

Aidan:
You sleep good once you fall asleep, but are much more of a challenge to put to bed. You prefer to be rocked a bit and will then go down nicely. But you typically wake up in about an hour or so and fuss until someone goes to rock you again. We now typically find you sitting up (your new skill), though many times you aren't really completely awake. Unlike Ella, you don't seem to need any toys in your crib, although you have plenty!!

You are becoming a pickier eater. Things you used to gobble up you are now refusing unless we feed it to you (sliced turkey for example). You make a “yum yum yum” sound the entire time you eat. We know when you are done eating when you start swiping your hands across the highchair tray and messing with your food, or when you start taking individual pieces of food and examining them in great detail. You are very impatient when it comes to food (or your bottle for that matter) and will often scream if we don’t get it to you fast enough.

You can now crawl across the room in a flash, and it is so funny to watch you army crawl to reach your destination. Like Ella, you can also wave "Bye Bye" and clap. Also like Ella, you also can put your hands to your head when asked "Where's your head?", and look for the dogs when asked "Where's the dog?".

You have such a deep voice, and are definitely all boy with a laugh that is truly contagious. Everything is "Up" to you these days. By that I mean you are fascinated by ceiling fans, lights, pictures on the wall - basically anything that you can reach for...and you reach with all of your might. When carried, you typicaly have one arm outstretched to touch anything you can along the way.

Together:
You are a team. You now notice when one of you is in the other room, and often yell to one another. You copy each other constantly. If one of you starts banging on the highchair tray, the other will copy immediately. You steal each other's toys, and push and pull at each other to get what you want.

Here is what we do when you start fighting - your own personal containment devices!!



Just kidding - these are used for actually toy storage - you both just think it is funny to "wear" them!

You are amazing to watch together. Your interactions have truly developed into little mini conversations of "baby speak". You are also dangerous to take shopping. You both ride along in the stroller with both hands outstretched to either side. This creates lots of knocked down clothing, and sometimes (if I am not paying close enough attention), a knocked over display of some sort.

You are our dreams come true, and we are so blessed to have not just one of you to love and raise, but two at the same time. Who could possibly ask for anything more?

11 Months of Life Changing Happiness

And the countdown begins to the babies' first birthday. They are 11 months old today and I find myself dumbfounded. Where did the time go - it all feels like a blur.

Can you believe that they were ever this little???


When I look back at the past 11 months, one thing comes to mind (aside from the babies themselves). Gratitude. A level and deepness of gratitude that I find so difficult to put into words.

So, what I am going to do is to take this next month and dedicate individual postings until May 8 to those who have made the last year possible.

The first posting will follow later today (I can hear Aidan waking up from his nap so I must go for now) and is dedicated to Ella and Aidan.

Two sweet souls who made our family complete.