Thoughts on Infertility

Many of you out there are intimately aware of the three year struggle that Mike and I endured to have Ella and Aidan. (that's them in the picture above - just embryos at 6 days old - we dont know which one is which baby though). Years of injections, procedures, drugs and a miscarriage lie in our past. I realized when starting this blog just how much we have endured and how our losses really have changed us forever – but not all for the worse. Mike and I have grown closer as we endured the struggle together. We have become stronger and now love deeper. We struggled together to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocked us down. We struggled to come to terms with a lack of medical answers or reasons for why we couldn’t do this on our own. And here we stand today, with still no answer as to what the problem really was….we represent true statistical numbers of the 2% of couples in the world who simply have “unexplained infertility”.

There are times in people's lives that they experience certain road blocks or challenges, infertility was definitely one for us. You would think that once you have your beautiful children in your arms, the pain of infertility would just disappear, but like many challenges in life, it sticks around to re-surface at any moment.

I remember being at the gym and how much I longed to be in the "mom club". It truly was awful some days as I did the stair climber watching mom after mom coming in with 2, 3 or sometimes even 4 or 5 kids! I wanted to be one of the women with the "sticker" which meant you had a child in childcare. To someone who hasn't had difficulty getting pregnant, a statement like that probably sounds utterly ridiculous.

I met a woman at the gym recently. I had noticed her a long time ago and "assumed" that she had no problems getting pregnant. I had seen her during her last pregnancy, and now she is 5 months along with her second. As I spoke with her yesterday, she revealed that she was 1 month away from starting IVF after trying for three years for her son. She found out she was pregnant that month. I don't know why I seem drawn to women who have gone through infertility. Maybe it is because they can understand that infertility effects much more than your ability to have a baby. It goes much deeper than that and frankly, it changes you. I have met very few people who understand what it is like to go through infertility, but when you find someone who "gets it" you kind of breathe a sigh of relief knowing you are not alone.

I guess my point is, it never goes away. No matter how many children you have, that feeling never goes away. Would I do things any differently though if I had a choice? Not for one moment. I actually think we are quite lucky to have had the experience. It's humbling (to say the least) and definitely makes you grow up fast.

Best way to learn patience...have twins!

I thought this might be a good way to keep our close family and friends informed of what we are doing and post photos.

Whoever said that patience is a virtue must have had multiples! Sometimes Mike and I feel like we are running on adrenaline, only to crash at the end of the night wondering "where did the day go?" It seems having two babies of the same age just creates so much more work? Well.....part of that could be self-imposed by their neurotic mom!

To give everyone an idea of how our life operates these days, here is just a "day in the life" of the twins....

7AM - Wake, play in bouncy seats for a few minutes, then bottle (insert multiple diapers changes and plenty of fussing)

7:45 - Carry one baby out to the jogging stroller. Repeat with second baby. Take a walk around the neighborhood making several stops as people stare at the screaming Ella that decides she needs to be held. Wonder for the 1000th time why we didnt just buy a single stroller, since Ella is really only happy being held.

8:30-8:45 - Nap (usually only lasts about 20-30 minutes)

11:00 - Applesauce, rice cereal, bottle (insert more multiple diapers changes and plenty of fussing)

11:30 - Play...then hopefully another nap

3:00 - Bottle - They play for a while after this bottle, then tend to take the best nap of the day - usually at least an hour

6:00 - Veggies (sweet potatoes, butternut squash, or peas are their favorites). This is Adian's typical time to fuss, and he often gets to enjoy his dessert (pears or peaches) in the bathtub.

6:30 - Baths

7:00 - Bottle, then bed by 7:30 (on a good night)

7:35 glass of wine :)

Sometimes I feel like I cannot possibly change one more diaper- that my hands might possibly fall off from washing them so much. Or that the general "fussing" kind of starts to become "background noise". Luckily, there is balance and there are lots of smiles, cackles, hugging and kissing going on to help us through the day and remind us why it is that we require 2-3 cups of coffee (or Diet Coke for me) just to wake up in the morning.